Why Men Ruin Relationships
We’ve all been there. Or have seen it happen to someone we know. Two people who seem so perfect together, just drift apart.
Now I’m not saying that it is always the Man’s fault, but what this is about is understanding why, when you aren’t sure why, that it may be a wounded man to blame.
Man meets a woman and falls in love, and for a time his heart comes alive and the romance blossoms. Eventually, however, things begin to fade. The problem is that the man never knew the true progression of being a lover.
Man must first learn what it is to know God as Lover.
A woman cannot and should not try to fulfill this longing in a man’s heart. The love between just a man and woman is not big enough to sustain true romance. His heart must first be wooed by God, then he will know what it is like to love; not just a woman, but in all things.
How can a man be a Lover to God?
Many men think this is a foreign a concept. We see God as a male figure. God is actually made of both aspects of humanity. Male and female. If you can begin to open your mind to the idea of being romance by God first, then you will understand the magnitude of true love.
A majority of men have been wounded by their past. These wounds keep them from allowing their hearts to awaken to the beauty of God and His pursuit of us. Here are some of those events.
A young man sees a young woman, decides he wants to pursue her. His heart is then broken by pain of rejection. He learns to not open that part of his heart again, for fear of more hurt.
A young boy/man begins to see the beauty of God in art, song, and creativity. His father sees this as “girly stuff” and shames him. His heart is now a source of pain and embarrassment.
Finally, there are the men who had sexual experiences before their wedding night. This brings a level of ambiguity into the relationship. He is uncertain if he can live up to previous events or if she will judge him. He cannot be completely passionate towards his new bride.
Some of these wounds may need counseling to resolve, and there are other scenarios that lead to a man shying from God’s beauty and love.
Many of the scenarios above lead to us shielding our hearts from God. This makes us seek validation and acceptance in other sources. Whether it is seeking it from other women, through pornography, even reason and analysis. Matters of the heart are to “feely” and “emotional”. We then seek something predictable. We know how to fix things. That doesn’t involve my heart.
This is why men always try to fix things. We are wounded.
How do we heal?
Through surrender and prayer. Surrender those moments when you want to hide your heart and emotions. Immediately ask the Father to come and work on that area.
If you see a woman walk by and your stare lingers, ask God to speak to that moment and pray for healing. When you fear opening up to a woman because you do not want to get hurt, pray. When you seek intimacy with your wife and want to heal the wounds created by the past, pray. Eventually, God will heal you.
Then God will begin to woo you.
God will begin to show His love for you and you will see the signs. Here or there to begin with, and then all the time. It is like when you are thinking about getting a new car. You never saw that car on the road before, but once you are open to it, your eyes recognize every one.
As you open yourself up to God’s beauty, He will show you how he loves you. I have a friend who sees this constantly. Her token of love from the father is butterflies. No matter where she is or how unlikely the possibility of there being butterflies, they will show up. In one form or another.
Personally, I have been and am working through many if not all of the wounds associated with my heart and opening it up to God’s beauty. I struggle with being vulnerable and open to women. I seek affirmation from them. I am terrified of falling in love and having to pursue a woman without knowing if it is mutual. This is where God is working on me right now.
I have yet to begin to see something as specific as butterflies, but I have seen ways he is wooing me back to him. He has shown me how he sees the beach, restoring my love for that place where water, land, and sky meet. He is speaking aspects of who I am over me(compliments). I hear Him in songs now, songs I have hear hundreds of times. He has begun to show me that he is a Lover and will relentlessly pursue me.
